Delicate – FSF

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He could feel the plump and readiness of her lips, kissing her as to ask forgiveness she responds to his hunger. Moving from her lips he softly touches her neck with his, inhaling the intoxicating perfume she put on in the morning that was still lingering, trapping him in this moment to kiss behind her ear.  It felt like he has not kissed her in years and because if that he picks her up delicately, with her wrapping herself around him allowing him to become her prince again.

Putting the past behind them with each kiss, he gazed into her eyes for a second, and seeing the stress, hated himself for what he put her through.  Holding her tightly he walks slowly into the bedroom and, just as carefully as he picked her up, he gracefully with skill, lies her onto the bed to show her just how sorry he truly is.

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(First time writing a love scene hehe and pic from http://www.holistic-alternative-practioners.com/Romance-kissing-quotes.html)

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10 Responses to Delicate – FSF

  1. K R Smith says:

    This is good – nearly erotic without being crude. And, as the prompt suggests, he is treating her delicately.

    I would change the second sentence from:
    “Moving from her lips he softly touches her neck with his, inhaling the intoxicating perfume she put on in the morning that was still lingering, trapping him in this moment to kiss behind her ear.”
    to something like:
    “Moving from her lips, he softly touches her neck with his, inhaling her intoxicating perfume, lingering, enveloping, trapping him in this moment to a kiss behind her ear.”

    I would leave out the “she put on in the morning that was” because it takes the reader out of the moment, distracting them from the emotions and the sultry action taking place. And this is only a suggestion based upon these five sentences being the whole story – if this was part of a longer piece, that phrase might be significant – only you know for certain.

    Also, in the third sentence, “because if that” probably should be “because of that” – this is one of those evil things spell check won’t catch.

    I had to read the first three sentences several times to get everything out of it that you had put into it. The more I read it, the more I liked it. I could really picture the two of them together.

    Very nice!

  2. Mayumi-H says:

    I like a lot of the imagery you’ve pulled together, here. I do agree with what KR Smith says above; they’re tiny critiques, but they will help the lyrical flow of the piece (that’s what you seem to be going for).

    I’m a fan of romantic love scenes, myself. I enjoy crude, too, when it’s appropriate, such as when the narrator is very physical, very visual. Though, your narrator seems more a fan of emotion than sex. The line about letting him be her prince again is a great indication for that.

    Nice!

  3. Sisyphus47 says:

    A lovely tale: please do more! 🙂

  4. rlmorgan51 says:

    The action and emotion is quite vivid. [However, erotica is not my cup of tea; which is interesting since in my endeavor for “DELICATE” I wrote about a rape…I invite you to check it out and leave some feedback]

  5. Lizzie Koch says:

    This is so romantic and passionate. I love romance and passion!!! and could feel the heat between them in an emotional way rather than a sex way which I think can be more powerful. Well done. I am also very intrigued as to what he did. . . and whether she will truly forgive him once the passion is over. . . Gorgeous! x

  6. McGuffyAnn says:

    Very beautifully written, actually made me teary. And I don not do romance, though I’ve been happily married 31+ years!
    McGuffy’s Reader
    http://www.mcguffysreader.blogspot.com

  7. Beautifully written, you kept my attention and lead us into the bedroom with them. I too, liked the delicacy of the moment, as well as your writing. A lovely emotional love scene!

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